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This is the Conversation Forum for Alternative Writing Workshop << A47208297 - Major Valentine A47210744 - My Interweaving Valentine >> Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by David B - Singing Librarian Owl   Posting 1 Entry: A Stiff Valentine - A47029160 Author: David B - Singing Librarian Owl - U201818 I'm pretty certain that this will be my Stretcher Entry for this week, but I am deeply unsatisfied with it. I think I'm having trouble managing both 'stiff' and 'valentine' at the same time. And the meter feels trite. So...am I being overly self-critical (I normally write either very introspective or very silly poetry, and this is neither, so it's hard to judge it) or is it as bad as I fear? Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by LL Waz This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 2 I enjoyed it. It fits the theme, the whole thing feels repressed. If it were any longer I think the meter would grate, but it didn't for these three verses. The third verse is the strongest, maybe more interesting word choices. The poetical love references were fun. Thinking back, I surprised this guy knew them! It's a neat take on a valentine. Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by minorvogonpoet This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 3 I like this. It effectively conveys a certain (perhaps old-fashioned) British understatement. I can imagine a stiff accountant writing this to his girlfriend. A couple of crits: the rhythm of the line beginning 'Less pleasant' is a bit awkward. I would suggest 'I think you would agree'. And I wasn't sure about the line 'It is no thing, has no amount'. If you agree with me about the accountant image, how about 'It has no cost and no amount'? Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by David B - Singing Librarian Owl This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 4 Thanks, LLWaz and minorvogonpoet. mvp, I have altered the 'less pleasant' line, but in a slightly different way, and adopted your idea of 'has no cost' instead of 'is no thing'. Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by Dmitri Gheorgheni This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 5 Very amusing poem. I believe it conveys what you want it to convey - in a sly and ultimately warm way. This one's a keeper. Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by David B - Singing Librarian Owl This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 6 Not a poem that it would be wise to present to my real lady love on Valentine's Day, though, I fear! But then, I have actually used the l word before now, rather than skirted round it like this chap does. Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 7 Ms GB Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by frenchbean This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 8 Goodness! What reticence. You convey it so well. Good one Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by minichessemouse - The mouseling has arrived! This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 9 Different, but in a good way. mini Read the First Reply to this Posting Subject: A47029160 - A Stiff Valentine Posted Feb 11, 2009 by Tibley Bobley This is a reply to this Posting   Posting 10 Uptight or what? Too much for a real woman perhaps - but might possibly suit an inflated one It's good Guide Entry List Guide Entry List

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