 | | | Subject: A3795753 - Twilight
Posted Mar 16, 2005 by frontiersman
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 | | Entry: Twilight - A3795753
Author: Ronbloggs - U1258998
'Twilight' was first posted on the GW site as 'A Youth's Twilight Christmas' The piece received two positive reviews on GW. On hearing of the closure of GW it was decided to transfer it to h2g2 as a better forum for review. It is factual; autobiographical. The author has completed a writing course with the Open College of the Arts and has written steadily since then.
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| | | Subject: A3795753 - Twilight
Posted Mar 17, 2005 by Pinniped
This is a reply to this Posting
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You can certainly write. The contrast with the car piece already shows your range. It would have been easy to go overboard about an experience as profound and traumatic as this one. Instead, you've told it in a restrained way, and that makes the account powerful and quite an anxious read.
The pacing is also excellent, and contributes to the suspense.
If you want crit, mine would be that the ending is a little obscure. It introduces an observation (of the lighted sign) that needs quite a lot of interpretation, and that's a bit of a distraction just when the reader should be brought down with a clean resolution. I would look for a simpler ending to go with the piece's essentially simple message.
It's good to see you coming here from GW. Many of us here are unhappy about the decision to close GW too. I'm glad that you've already found h2g2's place for creative writing, here in the AWW, and I hope you'll enjoy what you find here.
Take a good look everywhere. There's more to h2g2 than just the Edited Guide. be sure to try The Post, for example. (It's a clickable link from the Front Page).
Thanks for posting these, and see you around.
Pin
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| | | Subject: A3795753 - Twilight
Posted Mar 17, 2005 by frontiersman
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| | Hi again, Pin,
Heck, mate; you've certainly swelled my already big head with your interest and unrestrained praise of my puny efforts. I just don't know how to thank you! You've done me proud, as they say in my neck o' the woods. I take your point about the neon sign, and I guess it was put in 'subconsciously', because it was the first thing to capture my attention at the time of regaining consciousness; also because old Liverpudlians would recognise this as a now historical landmark, and conjure up in them the sentiments I seem to crave, for praise of my writings. Very self-centred, I know, but you've got the truth of the matter straight from the horses mouth.I must return the compliments and read your work this weekend. Sorry for the double posting on the reply to the car piece, my computer showed it as 'to be posted soon', so I thought it hadn't actually got through.
See you,
Ron.
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