 | | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 2, 2003 by Accidental Poet
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
3
  | | Thank you for your kind words.
I'm fine. Thanks for asking. This piece is a bit of fiction that just kind of flew out of my fingers while I was contemplating what might be going on in the mind of a stalker, and what might lead a person to that sort of behavior. I imagine that pretty much every victim of bullying has revenge fantasies and a very few might act them out.
|
| | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 4, 2003 by friendlywithteeth
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
6
| | Hmmm....
I like this entry [why does that sound so ominous?] You say that this isn't a poem from personal experience?
I don't know, this is hard to describe because it's not really something I can put my hand on: it's well written, clear, it made me think, and it read well. Maybe it's just a misfire on my part, but it just didn't 'hang right'.
Perhaps I ought to be more clear and concise. I was bullied at the first secondary school I attended, and I actually came into contact with bully a couple of years later. It was funny because it was at a youth group I volunteered at, and I didn't feel those things: I pitied him. I felt sorry that he hadn't grown as a person since we'd last come into 'contact', and I feel that I had as a result....
...so not concise  , but perhaps a little clearer, I think that maybe it's me [how corny does that sound: it's not you, it's me ] I hope I haven't offended you, it just doesn't sit right with me :-S
|
| | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 5, 2003 by Accidental Poet
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
7
| | I was bullied some, too, although not to that extent, and remember the fantasies I entertained at the time. That, plus the fact that the whole Columbine High School incident was a couple of kids with other problems reacting to being bullied, plus the fact that I personally know a couple of people who've been victims of stalkers just kind of all came together for this.
I'm awfully hard to offend these days, so don't worry about that at all. If what I wrote was the standard, the world would be a much more frightening place than it already is!
I'm also old enough to remember Bernard Goetz, the man in New York City who decided he had had enough and shot five kids in the subway (tube).
I don't expect it to sit right with everyone. If it made you think, I'm satisfied.
|
| | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 9, 2003 by Accidental Poet
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
11
| | Hello Universal Granny and Wild Rose.
I'm glad you both thought it worth commenting on my words. It seems that they've done what I wanted them to do. People who have been bullied were able to identify with their perspective. Wild Rose, you had exactly the sort of reaction I was hoping someone who hasn't been the victim of bullying would have. I'm not the character in the story, but I understand that character, and hope other people do, too.
|
| | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 9, 2003 by nadia
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
13
| | This is a very strong piece of writing.
The only bit I wasn't fussed on is:
'The intensity of my hate seared itself into my brain permanently.'
This seemed a bit contrived, though I'm not sure that it's the right word. It's not quite in the same register as the rest of the poem. I'd prefer it if the sentiment was expressed with the chilling simplicity you use throughout. I'd deffinitely drop 'permenantly' from the end of the line. But I'm not a poet so I might just be missing the point 
|
| | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 11, 2003 by Accidental Poet
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
16
| | I'm not a poet either, Speckly. Al least, I've never thought of myself as one and have certainly never had any kind of training or education in poetry. It hadn't even occured to me that this could be considered a poem.
I've thought about it, and you're right. The word "permanently" didn't add anything and may have detracted from this. So I got rid of it.
Someone offline suggested that in "The intensity of my hate seared itself into my brain" the word "seared" be replaced with "branded." I don't know...
|
|  |
| | | Subject: A1161776 - You know me
Posted Sep 11, 2003 by Tonsil Revenge
This is a reply to this Posting
| | Posting
18
| | I'm having a little trouble with the "intensity" line, also, and I am a poet.
It does seem to be a bit "third person" and sophisticated in comparison to the rest of the piece.
I suggest you try reading it out loud into a recorder and then playing it back an hour later.
You might find some more musical way of dealing with that line.
I also kept wondering what her younger sister might be like today.
A self-defense instructor, perhaps?
|
|
