Welcome Unknown Visitor to my little patch of hootoo.
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Posted Jun 2, 2010 by minichessemouse - The mouseling has arrived!
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 | | The black dog of depression is a heavy weight to carry especially since it is for the most part due to my health issues and the ways in which they limit my daily life.
Just a recap for anyone who is unsure of just what health issues I am dealing with here's the quick run-down.
Asthma
Allergies and food intolerances
Migraines
Visual Impairment (technically I'm blind)
All of this limits what I can do. The migraines are possibly the most limiting though as they can affect me for days at a time. adding depression to all of this has made life difficult. My boyfriend S has been very helpful and supportive through all of it despite the fact that the anti-depressants have changed me.
For reasons unknown to me I seem to need more sleep than the average person my age. This means I am often in bed before midnight, S comes too, but I know that sometimes he would like to sit up and chat or hang out with his flatmates and friends like we used to. Also it has been several months since ahem   happened, again because the meds have changed me.
I really love him, and I know he loves me. We can both see this relationship being very long term, if not forever. He treats me as something precious and special. He knows that none of my health problems are my fault, but I think that sometimes he gets angry about the situations I put him in. Especially when he has to choose between friends and me. This weekend just pased some of our very good friends had a leaving party as they are returning to Germany after their year here. I really wanted to be at the party to wish them well, but instead I was at home in bed with a migraine.
Sometimes I lose the will to live and cannot see any purpose in my continued existence. Sometimes it all upsets me so much that I can hardly bear to be hugged or kissed or shown any kindness. S is really patient with me, he often helps me to see reason. He has promised me on several occasions that everything will be okay. Sometimes I find it hard to believe.
I long for a day or two when I can be myself, The smiley, happy, alert, awake and alive mouse that so many of my friends know. I long for a day when my situation does not stop me from having a good time, from living my life exactly how I want to.
Is it too much to ask for a semblance of normality?
mini
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| | | Subject: interesting times
Posted Jun 2, 2010 by  Milla, listing wishes and bugs. Report them at A87753135 please
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 | | Oh, little mouse, how I wish you a lovely day, free of pain and depression.
All I can do is urge you to insist on more help from neurologists and the like... CT scans, MRI, whatever, to help find and eliminate any cause of all this. And drugs to beat the pain.
I too have experienced the lack of want for the , but thankfully, that's now returned to normal  . I am sure it will for you too.
All my best wishes.
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| | | Subject: interesting times
Posted Jun 2, 2010 by Happy Nerd
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| | Ah, little . 
Make sure that you take *all* your medications, including over-the-counter, in to your doctor or pharmacist and have them make absolutely sure there are no adverse interactions.
Depression is entirely normal when dealing with long-term painful disease. I know that doesn't make it feel any better, but know that you're not alone. There are lots of different types of medications for depression, and it could be that the one you are currently taking isn't working well for you.
If you don't already, try to keep a journal to help figure out what your migraine triggers are, which medications are effective, etc. unless of course you already know.
http://www.headaches.org/education
HN
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| | | Subject: interesting times
Posted Jun 2, 2010 by Mrs Zen
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| | That all sucks. And I *so* recognise what you say about migraines and their effect on you and Mr Mini.
You two seem to be handling it with a sensitivity and maturity that's impressive and that will help you weather the storms.
It strikes me you might going through the Kuebler Ross curve. Wikipedia lists the stages as follows:
Denial – "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
Anger – "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"
Bargaining – "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
Depression – "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
Acceptance – "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
If you are on the Kuebler Ross roller-coaster, then the best thing you can do is accept that how you feel will change over time, and ride the damn thing out.
Poor Mini, and poor Mr Mini. 
Ben
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| | | Subject: interesting times
Posted Jun 2, 2010 by Kaz
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| | I know how you feel with the depression thing, I get it too and it sucks. Well, mine is anxiety and stress related, but the end result is horrible.
I remember the delightful side effects of the meds when I was given them... no fun at all  Dealing with things myself now, cos I am trying to get into Nursing, and want my Occupational Health record to be reasonably clear.
Huge hugs go to you though, chick. Hope you manage to have a really good weekend at least :D
And the S- meister sounds like a sweetie, so its great that he's supportive and patient. It could be worse... I get told to get on with it and stop being soft.
Huggles xxx
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| | | Subject: interesting times
Posted Jun 5, 2010 by AlsoRan80
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| | Very dear mini,
So thrilled that you have an affectionate Mr. Mouse around.
I think I might have spoken to you before this about what happened when I also went through a deep depression.
Everything seemed to have fallen in . I had remarried, life was very difficult; I had taken on two small chiodren; my ex husband was being very difficult; my new husband was turning out to be a real "wanderer after pretty women". Oh dear. !!
Someone suggested that I try really to relax. so every morning I used to get up before the house awakened. I would go into either the garden - if it was light, and lay a rug on the grass. I would first of all do my Yoga breathing exercises and then sit and do my sitting exercises, Then lie and do those and then end up by standing on my head . It took me seven months to learn how to do that. Try and find a proper Yoga class if possible run by a n Indian swami.
I did Yoga every day of my life from then on for 25 years. I can/could stand on my head anywhere - at the sea on the sand, in the corner of a room, if I felt low.
Yoga philosophy really helped me no end. I am finding that as I am aging I would love to be able to do it again. I shall try because i think that I need to find some purpose in life again.
Gettubg old is a bit like facing issues as my darlubg husband Dick used to say. and is certainly not for sissies. !!. That us totally true, I think that it is very important to eat well. Difficult when one lives alone, but now you have Mr. Mouse to care for.
good health my dear young friend. You have so many things going for you - How are your studies.
With a great deal of affection and lots of courage.
Christiane,.
AlsoRan80
Saturday 5th June, 2010 10 a.m. BST
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