 | | | Subject: A87740797 - 'The Who - Live At The Isle of Wight Festival 1970' - The Album
Posted Feb 6, 2012 by toybox
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  | | Ah, I suddenly feel like a trip to the music store 
Not many comments, except that I found the introduction not that convincing:
 The first sentence ("The Who, one of the greatest British bands of all time.... peak of their career") doesn't quite flow that well, in my view (I had to restart it midway through). Would you mind rephrasing it a little? It wouldn't matter if it wasn't the first sentence, really!
And the second paragraph ("The Who Live at the Isle of Wight Festival... greatest live appearance.") seems to say the same things several times. Could it be streamslined somewhat?
 Ah, and the poor lead singer is spelled once 'Dawltrey', once 'Daltry'. I believe the correct spelling lies somewhere in between 
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| | | Subject: A87740797 - 'The Who - Live At The Isle of Wight Festival 1970' - The Album
Posted Feb 6, 2012 by  Bluebottle
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| | Hello Toybox and Lanzababy, thanks for your comments.
The first sentence ("The Who, one of the greatest British bands of all time.... peak of their career") doesn't quite flow that well, in my view
 I've rephrased it a little. I may have a think about how to improve it a bit more.
And the second paragraph ("The Who Live at the Isle of Wight Festival... greatest live appearance.") seems to say the same things several times. Could it be streamlined somewhat?
I've streamlined it and cut it down now.
Ah, and the poor lead singer is spelled once 'Dawltrey', once 'Daltry'. I believe the correct spelling lies somewhere in between
Corrected!
Thanks again
<BB<
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| | | Subject: A87740797 - 'The Who - Live At The Isle of Wight Festival 1970' - The Album
Posted Feb 14, 2012 by h5ringer (Scout, Sub-Editor & Guide Editor) - The Maestro Cat
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| | Hi <BB<. I feel the need to make the same comment that I've made previously to another of your Entries, that is repetition of a word or phrase, in this instance 'The Who'. In the first two paragraphs, The Who appears six times.
Could I suggest you read through the Entry (perhaps aloud) and see if that repetition doesn't nag a bit. As an example, I would suggest rewording those first two paragraphs something like this:
<<The Who, one of the greatest British bands of all time are particularly famed as one of the best bands to have seen live. 1969-70 is considered the period when *they* were at the peak of their career.
The Who Live at the Isle of Wight Festival 1970 captures an evocative performance of *the band* at their best, performing to an audience of 700,000, their largest ever crowd. Although The Who performed noteworthy appearances at the 1969 Isle of Wight Festival, Woodstock and Live Aid, it is the 1970 Festival that is often considered to have been *their* greatest live appearance.>>
 h5ringer
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