 | | | Subject: Snork...with a spring in my step.
Posted Apr 30, 2012 by Effers;England.
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I'm not one to beat about the bush with regards reality, (despite getting a tad spiritual of late..some call that denial  ).
But hey the first day of spring after weeks of cold and rain..(I missed the so called summer in winter..as I was in hospital, fencing with grim reaper)..and it is poignant.
And I managed to spend the morning in the House of Death. Well that's my OTT name for it. Lots of people look like skeletons..another lot well over weight. I'm feeling full of life and decidedly alienated. The place has a pall.
A mass of info is given and more bloody scans and an EEG. My heart is tip top they tell me. I could have told them that.
6 months of misery will begin on Thursday..and I'm not supposed to fight the tiredness. I am advised to wear oven gloves to get things out the fridge. Cold will cause pain. Stay out the sun as much as possible..and don't forget to wrap the PICC line inserted in cling film..getting it wet is dangerous..Various phone numbers are given for emergencies.
It simply isn't me..all this..but apparently it is.
It'll be 5 hours stuck in that place on Thursday whilst they drip strong poison into me...then tablets everyday to go with the tablets I take to keep the madnes at bay  The PICC line goes through the vein and finishes above the heart  Poisoned heart?
I'm practising my gallows humour but I've a heart full of anger about it all. Rage..oh yes.
Some wild flowers in the garden. Spring is sprung.
http://gallery.me.com/flyingants#100834
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| | | Subject: Snork...with a spring in my step.
Posted Apr 30, 2012 by Effers;England.
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Hi Elektra,
Yes it does sound awful, and I'm consumed with fear about it. I just don't know how bad the effects will be..but I opted for the strongest stuff. And I'm consumed with dread all the time about a horrible death..and I have to see dying people everytime I go to that place.
I don't like my reactions much. Before I was upset for people..too much..now I put up a big barrier and wish they'd just disappear...my emotions are in turmoil.
It helps to post here how it is...it's absolutely horrible in every way.
And its changed my outlook on not suppressing parts of myself to do with things that give *meaning* to my life.
I shall post more in response to your links about such experiences giving *meaning* to people's lives, and that should be *respected*. PZ Myers is a cultural thug.
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| | | Subject: Snork...with a spring in my step.
Posted May 3, 2012 by Effers;England.
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Thank god for Anne Bronte. Laing was a poor choice...far too depressing. Strong intelligent fascinating main woman character, the landscape of the Yorkshire moors..an underlying wit underlying the bleak bits..and controversial. Best Bronte novel IMO. It was perfect for the chemo place. Optimism and a lightness of touch - a good friend indeed.
The nurses there aren't a patch on the King's ones..too bubbly somehow and the Macmillan one is annoying in that she will rush up to me stare intently into my eyes and grab my hand  and ask if I'm okay? can she ring me next week? I say no....
I like my women intelligent and humorous and a bit reserved with maybe a giveaway twinkle in the eye then you can flirt a bit..
Mostly men in my area. Wouldn't talk properly about what we were doing and the reality of it..just banter and trying to outdo one another.
And it was all a bit scifi. Sitting around on these big reclining chairs with stuff being pumped into you for hours.
Heck it wasn't so bad in the end..though I was nearly grizzling at the start. Sandwiches, biscuits and tea and coffee brought round..and really they are *very* friendly there.
Side effects are already hitting. They said cold would be a problem causing painful pins and needles. When they said anything cold..including England at present..they meant anything that isn't strictly warm and cosy. But I won't moan on...And I've a ton of tablets to take blah blah...
And  mother is due to arrive any minute.
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| | | Subject: Snork...with a spring in my step.
Posted May 4, 2012 by Effers;England.
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| | Thank you. Welcome to my journal, AlwaysLunchtimeSomewhere. I loved your post. And the 'intro and the outro' connection is good.
Hi anhaga...regards to your daughter..she's in my thoughts. I feel comradeship with all that struggle with health..although I have always had problems with mental health..I took my physical health for granted though.
Yes its tough.
More from Anne Bronte. I marked this from her preface yesterday.
'Let it not be imagined, however, that I consider myself competent to reform the errors and abuses of society, but only that I would fain contribute my humble quota towards so good an aim, and if I can gain the public ear at all, I would rather whisper a few wholesome truths therein than much soft nonsense.'
Fain is a lovely word isn't it? And the last bit really appeals
**
Yeah look out for my article in the Post next week..I'm pleased with it. I need some way to channel my creativity at present. Always come back to writing - it was the first way.
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