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The Manifesto for the Campaign to rename Thursday, "Thing" | |
Officially The MOST Popular Up-Rising on H2G2 ('Cos Abi said so.)© "I MADE THIS!" "No, No, No"
NINETY-SEVEN THOUSAND POSTINGS STRONG!!!
The Thingites:'Alte Amplius Absque Cogitatim'
Above, Beyond and Without Reason.1
"Bigger than the biggest hippopotamus in the whole zoo...." ~ Captain Zog. |
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| Sultry 2009 |
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| Sodit | Wimpy | Wibble | Thing | Poets | Doobry | Dontbry |
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The Thingite Manifesto The aim of this project is seminally to have the day of the week currently referred to as "Thursday" re-designated, "Thing."
Which we think is snappier and has far more character. However, our mission does not cease there. No. The Thingites are campaigning to rename all days of the week. Sodit: (AKA: Monday) Nothing good ever came from a week that started with a Monday.
To reflect this fact, we propose that the day currently referred to as "Monday" shall henceforth be known as "Sodit." - Drawn from the general sentiment uttered by the populous when the alarm clock goes off and you know you're awake and the whole week is stretching out ahead of you and you have got to get out of bed to meet it.Wimpy: (AKA: Tuesday) Wimpy was the rotund character who was featured in the Popeye comics. His main function, it seemed, was to regularly ingest a large tray of hamburgers. In the course of the story, if he was ever questioned as to his method of payment, Wimpy would always reply: "I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."
Leaving aside the small worry that days of the week are not technically a currency. He would always attempt to pay Tuesdays no matter what day of the week it was supposed to be in the strip or indeed whatever day the comic was actually published on. This was a puzzle to many children and it was here that they first encountered notions of spatial-temporal relations. Added to that the increase in spinach consumption and thus a rise in nutritional standards. In honour of this spectacular feat in education, this day is hereby re-dedicated.Wibble: (AKA: Wednesday) The middle of the week. Stranded b'twixt the tyranny of Sodit and glory of the Weekend to come. Wednesdays are a torment for the ordinary men and women. So the week's begun, it will all be over soon, you might rationalise; but for the next 24 hours you know you are stuck 2 days from the weekend past and 2 days to go before the next one begins. If you were to compile a list of hideous and horrendous things you can do to break a person's spirit, Who can doubt that Wednesdays would appear right at the very top? That moment, you know the one; right after when you've finished lunch when you know you've still got the afternoon to get through before you can take the bus/tube/car back home. I submit this is cruelty in a more subtle and devious form than something really cruel and really, really devious put together!! To allieviate this burden of despair on the general populous Wednesday is hereby surplanted and re-designated Wibble.
Rejoice for it is frivolous and without logic WIBBLE! Say it with me! WIBBLE! WIBBLE!! WIBBLE!!!Thing: (AKA: Thursday) " It must be a Thursday - I never could get the hang of Thursdays." said one notable English Gentleman - and neither can we.
The re-designation from which the campaign takes its name. "THING" - think about that word for a moment. Why name a day "Thing?" It suggests an undefinable quality, that is neither the repressing gloom inherent in Sodit, nor the creativeness inspired in Poets or the out-right sillyness exploding from Wibble. It is Other. It is THING. You don't have call out Gourranga to be happy -cry Thing and join us!Our Thing
Who art twixt Wibble and Poets
Thing be thy name.
Thing Kingdom come
Thing will be done
On Sodit as it is on Dontbry
Lead us not to ignore Thing
And deliver us from Thurs
For Thing is the best
with Wibble, Wimpy and the rest
Just cos it is.
So there. Poets: (AKA: Friday) A phenomenon in its own right. The Thingite Cause recognises the huge beneficial impact of POETS Day upon the general populace and seeks to formalise this arrangment by re-designating the day formally known as Friday, "Poets".
This is a day for winding down and feeling good; preparing for the weekend to start by declaring it to have begun already!
Free to pursue activities of leisure, one's time might be spent being appreciative of clear summer days and kittens, smelling daffodils and 'wandering lonely as a cloud' and so forth. A practical upshot of enshrining this principle of leisure into the week means that the poet in all of us and especially those of a distinctly lyrical nature can get out in the fresh air a bit more, which can only be a good thing.Doobry: (AKA: Saturday) "Do or do not do..." said a character named Yoda, in a popular film of the sci-fi genre and thereby deftly putting his stubby green digit on one of the most enduring of metaphysical conundrums: "Why bother?" In fact, why not just give up now and go down the pub?" Doobry is dedicated to doing whatever you want: work, rest or play. Enjoy this day, you've earned it....  Dontbry: (AKA: Sunday) For doing less of whatever it was you resolved to do the other day but put off doing because it was too much hassle. THE CAMPAIGN ROSTER Infcribeth here are the naymef of the brayv, who poffeffed grayt Fortitude and commitment to the caufe in thif year of Our Lord 2001 (around Lunchtime)
- Clive the flying Ostrich, Warlord.
Keep your roster up to-date HERE! ENLIST TODAY! All we ask is that new Thingites dream up a title for themselves - it can be absolutly anything2 - and the more grandiose and silly you can make then all the better in our opinon. What do I get if I do? - An 'official' h2g2 blob to adorn your Personal space with3 Click Here
Designed by our Resident Genius Shea - who occassionaly moonlights in Real life as a Graphic Designer
- A Regulation Titanium Spork - The Hydra of Kitchen-ware implements - it's like a spoon with the head of a fork.
 - Membership of Clan Thing - help forward the cause against the tyranny of the common weekdays through extreme sillyness and a vague work ethic.
- Associate membership of the two (or is it three?) times Team Champions of the Real Life H2G2 meet ups Pub Quiz.
- Kudos
O.K - I signed up now what? CAN YOU FIND THE SECRET HIDDEN MESSAGE ON THE MANIFESTO?
Or why not vist one of our delightful threads? The "No no no!!" thread was originally a thread of protest4 back in the days when The Manifesto wasn't even fully completed. Naturally the malcontents quickly saw the error of their ways and signed up around post #35.
For Brevity's sake, "No, No, No" is also known as N3 and it is now the main Thingite thread; from whence we generally hang out and occasionally hatch a hare-brained scheme or two. All new applicants should start here - just wander in and say 'hi'.
It is incidentally the longest single conversation on H2G2!!5
One such hare-brained scheme was a plan to burrow into the H2G2 offices and deliver our manifesto to the (former) Editor of The Guide Mark Moxon, who could exploit his network of contacts and associates at the BBC to disseminate our message across a global media network.
Unfortunately the tunnel collapsed halfway across London; the remaining cavern was remodelled given a slap of paint some hi-end virtual technology and several bags of sand and turned it into a beach.
The Legacy of this ill-advised venture can be found down the second manhole on the left by the newsagents - or you could just click on this link.
Certainly the most unique feature of the Uniforms and armouries thread is that, for reasons never satisfactorily explained, it sits astride a rift in the space-time continuum. Which as any passing quantum physicist would tell you means it has very special and unique properties.6
The practical upshot of all of this is first of all a healthy and constant supply of passing quantum physicists and secondly the intriguing ability to find absolutly anything on the shelves of the amoury simply by looking. Go there now to request whatever outlandish gear you feel befits your role and to request your Regulation Titanium Spork be brought up from the Vaults.
Taking it's cues from S.P.E.C.T.R.E 7 The Thingite firebrands have sought to form their own executive council in charge of "Evil", "General Plotting" and "Mayhem." 
Generally abreviated to the B.O.E a place where the term "fiscal policy review" can have very real and very lethal consequences.
Imagine, if you dare, the unholy spawn of a union between Victor Frankenstein's Workshop and some Sequined Thing in suspenders recently escaped from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, on roller-skates - and your still not even close.
The Lab is the place for the debauched and the insane and if your not debauched and insane now, you will be by the time they are done with you. It is very much like like the Hotel California - You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.........
Treaties and Allies and Accomplices All those in favour of over the top  ness - Apply within! Had to happen didn't it? We've attracted a sister campaign. There have been others in the past but we feel this one's a go-er. If you feel a hole in your life, specifically a shaped hole, then you are in luck, the SPORKITES are recruiting now....Night of the Long Knives. An agreeable accord has been struck between Ourselves and the Assassins' Guild.
It is, in our considered estimation, always a good thing to accumulate friends who know which end of the blow-pipe to blow down. Go cross their palms with silver but do ask nicely, there's a good chap.You're in the army now... Official Member of
The Evil Army of H2G2 |
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This Membership Has Been Approved
By The Founding Four |
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| EvilClaw | SuperMoo | | Draco | Overmind |
After a brief but excitable war, and for want of a signed treaty, we find ourselves in finer fettle for having declared an armistice and embraced peace, even temporarily, with The Evil Army of H2G2. Follow the Recruitment posters to the Evil Army HQ to complete you move to The Dark Side. Here Be Dragons Within these walls lurk mythical creatures of terrible strength and grace. Powerful and mighty foes, but great and loyal allies. The Thingite Clan is proud to draw sporks alongside DragonHouse and the Allied Mythical Creatures Guild. Here be Dragons.Ye have been forewarned.
1 Some have queried the accuracy of this translation - an alternative might be "Supero Ultra Purus Sanitas" whilst yet another alternative translation yields the following: " To increase without thorough consideration." which also sound unnervingly accurate!
2 or as one of our clan once observed: "Invent some role or institution that no self-respecting revolution could possibly do without - and then place yourself at the head or heart of it!"
3 Actually you can get one anyway if you really want to. Just following the link opposite....
4 Inkwash, the founder of N3, was successfully converted 35 posts later; as a testimony to his earlier folly we adopted the name.
5 Lady Scott used to keep a list of who everyone who had snatched a 'thousandth' posting in N3. (You can see who got what on the N3 Milestone Postings page). HUGE Party when we reach 100K - so why not help us and sign up?
This Duty is now ably handled by the unmistakable Amy P - so if you snatch a Thousandth Milestone and want to be included in our legend, please bug her instead and leave Lady Scott alone get some serious napping done. 
Keep track of how large N3 Grows with the tracker at the top of the Manifesto.
6 The nature of Quantum on the atomic level is things act on probability - the chance that something will or will not (for instance turn into a dead cat) is entirely down to a statistical chance.
If this line of thinking is taken to it's logical conclusion, there is a probable and finite chance, however improbable, that all things may happen eventually (including your roast lunch turning into a dead cat or vice versa.)
7 Special Executive for Counter intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion - an outsourced divison of the KGB "SMERSH" - a organisation brought to life in the James Bond novels by Ian Flemming but scarily SMERSH also killed spies in Real life!
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