Here we are girls and boys! After the runaway success1 of last year's Charity Nude Calendar, Lucky Star Productions proudly present a brand spanking new calendar, hot off the presses. Do take time to savour each of the lovely models we have posing for us this year.
We've managed to incorpoate modern technology, so that not only does each month have its own soundtrack, it also has a moving part2. Have fun!
January - Captain Spank Munki
Paying tribute to Jedi Knights around the galaxy, as well as anyone else who put that on their census form, here's our Liam doing some solo practice with his light sabre. In the background you can hear the main Star Wars theme, and if you press this little button then the light sabre swooshes back and forth. It's green, of course - he's one of the good guys! And you can see it glowing against the black velvet backdrop, adorned with little twinkling stars. Mmmm, doesn't it make you want to press some Danish pastries up against your ears and come over all Princess Leia?
February - Flanker
Shhhh! Man at work here! Looking down at that shapely back, bent over a curling stone, brushing for all he's worth - it could only be Flanker. This month's music is Ice Ice Baby, and the magic button makes his brush wiggle. He's a brave man, getting his tackle out in such icy conditions, but luckily we have some volunteers for defrosting duty, cunningly disguised as snowmen in the corner.
As the man himself says -
'Well you've got to curl your stone right UP to where your skip wants it and if not its often not IN play Hence the expression Never up never in.'
And we can't argue with that!3
March - Loosehead
'Woah! We're going to Barbados!' Swooshing his way through a shoal of tropical fish is Loosehead, showing off his all-over tan that he got in Barbados. Well of course we went back to Barbados for the shoot, authenticity is everything you know! He complained about having funny shaped balls last year so this year there are no balls in sight 4.
Having trouble Finding Nemo? He's hidden in this picture somewhere, you'll just have to study it very closely indeed. If you press the magic button some bubbles appear.
April - 2legs
Time for spring cleaning, and there's only one man up to the job - the Night-hoover high priest himself. He's wisely switched his apparatus to the 'suck' position, so as to leave not a speck when he's finished. Being night-time, the little side-lights cast a warm glow around the living room5, and we can see where 2legs got his name from! To the classic strains of I want to break free 2 legs is doing a Freddie Mercury impersonation in little floral pinny and false moustache, which twiddles when you press here6. Who would have thought that housework could be such fun? All Hail the mighty n i g h t h o o v e r.
May - Master B
Time for some fun and games! And what could be more fun than sinking the pink with Master B. He's poised beside his pool table, getting his leg over to manage a trick-shot. In the background you can hear the classic strains of Chas'n'Dave's immortal hit7Snooker Loopy Nuts Are We. Nuts indeed! Now who's going to give his poor cramped muscles a bit of a rub? The magic button makes his balls disappear. That's a resounding 147 from us all!
June - Mr T
Ah, the sun is out, and here, playing a round, showing us his wood, is Mr T. Now the question we all want to ask is 'Where's your Mashie Nibblick?' because we know you take this very seriously, and have all the proper equipment, in good working order. The background music is Drive by the Cars, and what a lovely summery feel that creates. If you press the magic button - guess what? He sinks his putt!
July - Lord Smooth
Cue music - the Man in Black himself - Johnny Cash singing Ring of Fire annouces the arrival of his Lordship, as a fireman, appearing helmet first through a curtain of slash glitter. This being the season of forest fires, he's taking no chances and has his hose handy, ready to quench any flames that might spontaneously erupt. The magic button8 tilts his helmet ( the one on his head, silly!). Is it hot in here, or what?
August - da Silva
Barbecue season, and time to pop something sizzling onto to the girl... I mean, grill. Watch out when you're pricking those sausages, won't you da Silva, we'd hate for a nasty accident to happen. We can hear the stirring cries of Queen 9 going Flash! Aa-aaargh! Saviour of the universe! But tell you what, *presses magic button* cut a Zorro style Z in the chest of that unsuspecting poetry critic, Recumbentman, who has siddled in on his funny shaped equipment! Ah, the swoosh of a sword in the hands of an expert - what a treat!
September - Jimbob
All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey. The autumn leaves on the trees are falling in a gentle golden shower onto Jimbob, standing with his arms outstretched beneath a mighty oak. We managed to find a leaf large enough to stick on to cover his modesty, using that old faithful, double sided tape. But the magic button makes it rustle gently in the Autumn breeze, so keep your eyes peeled for anything revealing!
October - Reddyfreddy10
Hallowe'en is coming, and so what better time to conjure up a magical sight. Reddyfreddy, who doesn't actually know he's in here, as I rather sneakily took the shots when he wasn't looking, is trying out a new magic wand, to see just how whippy it can be, and see who he can cast under his spell. And what a jaw-dropping example of the male form he is - I know I for one am spellbound! Ooooh, listen - can you hear XTC going 1,2,3,4,5 senses working overtime! I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that yes, my senses are definitely maxed out here. What's that you say? You've made some ice-cream? I think I need a little taste... Let me press this button and watch the sparks fly...
November - the 'Mazin Mad Fiddler
Now here's a clever little plucker, with his instrument between his legs, exercising his bowing arm on an extract from The Devil went down to Georgia. He's on an empty stage, sat on a black leather chair with his instrument between his legs, as if it were a cello. It's a fabulous looking piece - red and black and runs on electricity! Here are some more funky Lyras. We did touch up his tan a bit with a bottle of fake suntan11. And the magic button moves his bowing arm, so you can have him move his arm back and forth as quickly as you'd like. Be warned though, he moves so fast that all you will see is a blur, although you do get a soft breeze blowing through your hair, at no extra cost.
December - Xanatic
Off to snowy and icy mystical Iceland for our final picture this year, where Xan the man is pulling himself out of the Blue Lagoon, shrouded in steam clouds. In the background you can hear gravel-voiced granny Tina Turner belting out Steamy Windows. The Northern Lights are twinkling behind him, casting shades of red and green onto his wet torso. Ooh Xan darling, after this you'll have all the friendly girls in the world chasing after you! In fact, if you press the magic button, hordes of nice friendly girls appear...
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