beebleburger

Alcohol and the Happiness of Penguins

<the views expressed in this introduction do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the moral majority, to whom I have never been introduced>

Happiness is best achieved with alcohol. Alcohol and penguins.

Many of my happiest times have involved drinking alcohol and trying to work out where the penguins fit in.

As a general rule, penguins are teetotal.

My liver is evil, and I must punish it repeatedly by consuming alcohol. This simulates happiness, and often produces images of penguins of indeterminate happiness.

I believe that the confusion arising from naming a chocolate biscuit after a monochrome seabird has led to more injuries than the authorities are willing to admit.

I have found that in most cases penguins are best left alone to pursue their own happiness.

Happy, sober penguins do not necessarily make good Christmas presents.